OKRA (Dec 22 – Jan 20) Are tough on the outside but tender on the inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. You can do something good each day if you try.

CHITLIN (Jan 21 – Feb 19) Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A Chitlin, however, will make something of himself if he is motivated and has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful they may surprise you. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 – March 20) You have an overwhelming curiosity. You’re unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. You love to stay busy and tend to work too much. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don’t worry about it.

MOON PIE (March 21 – April 20) You’re the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. A cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It’s not going to be easy. You always have a big mile and are happy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.

POSSUM (April 21 – May 21) When confronted with life’s difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don’t-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you’re dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy but seems to work for you. You are a rare breed. Most folks love to watch you work and play. You are a night person and mind your own business.

CRAWFISH (May 22 – June 21) Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you’re hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, and the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.

COLLARDS (June 22 – July 23) Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the melting pot of life and share their essence with the essence of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Crawfish. It just won’t work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH (July 24 – Aug 23) Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one’s whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You Catfish are never easy people to understand. You run fast. You work and play hard. Even though you prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life, you are liked by most. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

GRITS (Aug 24 – Sept 23) Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese, gravy, bacon, butter, or eggs and a good time. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well. You are pure in heart.

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 – Oct 23) You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best, your friends and loved ones, may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 – Nov 22) Always invite a Butter Bean to a party because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You’ve grown on the vine of life, and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn’t have anything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO (Nov 23 – Dec 21) You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle and kind inside. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms, and insects. You are a throwback. You’re not concerned with today’s fashions and trends. You’re not concerned with anything about today. You’re almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but a Possum is another somewhat kinky mating possibility.

Editor’s note: I apologize to any camel riders out there, this is just so wrong – but it was forwarded to me so I had to post it, that is sort of the nature of the beast.

Living Will Form

I, _________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.  Nor in the hands of lawyers/doctors who are interested simply in running up the bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following;

Bloody Mary, Margarita, Scotch and soda, Martini, Vodka and Tonic, steak, lobster or crab legs, TV remote control, bowl of ice cream, sports page, chocolate, or sex..

It should be presumed that I won’t ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

At this point, it is time to call a New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had.

Signature: ___________________________
Date: ______________________________

PS –> I also hear that in Ireland they have a Nursing Home with a Pub. The patients are happier and they have a lot more visitors.

Words Women Use – Slideshow

(Like THAT makes sense.)

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In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)

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Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick??)

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The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

(Much worse than “going blind!”)

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There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time .
Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.-
(Let’s just think about this one for a minute; is there any job anywhere else i n the wor ld that even comes close to this?)

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In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband’s illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)

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Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool , England – but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)

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In Cali , Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

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In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

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In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only “in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.”

(Is this a great country or what? Well . . . not as great as Guam !)

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Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for this stuff?)

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Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)

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The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of … ?)
(Did the government pay for this research?)

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Butterflies taste with their feet. (Ah, geez.)

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An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

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Starfish don’t have brains.

(I know some people like that, too.)

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And, the best for last…
Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

01. You can properly pronounce Chickamauga , DeKalb, Dahlonega,Smyrna , Buena Vista, Valdosta , Okefenokee, and La Fayette.

02 You know how to pronounce Atlanta. Atlanta is pronounced ADD-LANNA — not AT-LANT-A.

03. You think people who complain about the heat in their states are sissies.

04. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

05. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.

06. Stores don’t have bags or shopping carts, they have sacks and buggies.

07. You’ve seen people wear bib overalls at weddings and funerals.

08. You think everyone from a Yankee-state has an accent.

09. You measure distance in minutes.

10. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.

11. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.

12. You know cowpies are not made of beef.

13. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.

14. You know someone who has a belt buckle bigger than your fist.

15. Almost everyone you know is either Baptist or Methodist.

16. A Mercedes Benz isn’t a status symbol. A Chevy Silverado Extended Bed Crew Cab is.

17. You know everything goes better with Ranch dressing.

18. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.

19. You say “tuna fish sandwich.”

20. On one side of the road there’s Wal-Mart and on the other is a cotton field.

21. The directions to your house include “turn off the paved road.”

22. “Ya’ll” is a word.

23. Fried chicken is a major part of your diet.

24. Krispy Kreme dounuts are the only kind of dounuts you eat.

25. You call it a cold Christmas if you don’t break out in a sweat in your new sweater

26. Your whole town completely shuts down for 1 inch of snow or just the threat of snow.

27. People actually grow, eat and like okra!

28. You know the difference between a hillbilly, a redneck, and a Southerner.

29. Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.

30. Panama City Beach, Florida is a big deal.

31. You understand that at least once a year your car will turn yellow with pollen.

32. You know at least one Bubba, and maybe a few guys named Bo.

33. You use “Sir” and “Ma’am” if there’s a remote possibility that person you’re talking to is least 30 minutes older than you are.

And finally…

34. You actually get these jokes and are “fixin’” to send them to your friends.

Do you know what happened this week back in 1850, in California?

California became a state.

The State had no electricity.

The State had no money.

Almost everyone spoke Spanish.

There were gun fights in the streets.

So basically, it was just like California today except the women had real breasts and men didn’t hold hands.